Day Nineteen (Friday)
As always, Edward got up around eight. He went down to the kitchen, pausing briefly at the bathroom on the way to empty his bladder. He had a vague memory of getting up around two and again about five to do the same thing. It was perfectly normal for a man of sixty. He was confident he didn’t have prostate cancer or anything like that. His waterworks seemed in pretty good working order, as far as he could tell, for a man of his age. He could still perform in the bedroom on the very odd occasion he was required to do so. It had become increasingly seldom during the last couple of years with Alice. Presumably, she’d no longer had any great need of him in that way, as she had Paul to cater for those particularly needs. There had been a small period of time, before he’d been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, when it hadn’t been quite so easy for him to get an erection. No doubt, Alice had used that fact against him. Since he’d been on the medication to control his heart rate, things had improved, and that particular problem had gone away. Not that Alice would have noticed. She’d lost interest, and it was more convenient to blame him for any decline in levels of activity in that department, rather than take any responsibility herself. Hadn’t she given that as one of her excuses for turning to Paul, in the brief conversation they’d had on the matter? Edward still didn’t know how long the affair had been going on, and indeed whether it was still continuing. His best guess was that it had been a while. With Edward now away, it was hard to imagine it could have petered out and stopped. They’d probably only been thrust closer together.
When Edward entered the kitchen, he noticed something was different. Jill wasn’t up yet, he realised. That was highly unusual in itself. She was always up before he was, sitting alertly at the breakfast table, consuming her fruit or muesli or whatever she had. Beti would usually be enjoying her breakfast too. Not on this particular morning. There was no sign of either of them. Normally, there would be the sound of gentle clatter and activity. On this occasion, there was only silence. Edward couldn’t even hear any noise from the road outside. The only noise was the shuffling about that he made in his pyjamas, as he began to prepare his own breakfast. He recalled Jill had been slightly the worse the wear for drink the previous evening. Unusually for her, she’d consumed a fair quantity of wine. Even for him, it would have been quite a lot these days. In the past, it hadn’t been unheard of for him to drink two whole bottles at a particularly boozy lunch or dinner. He’d never felt great afterwards. Those days were well and truly gone. He’d put them firmly behind him. He knew his limits now. More than a few drinks agitated his heart condition. He didn’t want that. He wondered if he should check on Jill. He could just call out, to see she was all right. Instead, Edward went and knocked on her door.
‘Is everything OK?’ he asked, in little more than a gentle whisper, so as not to alarm her.
‘You can come in,’ Jill said. ‘I’m just not feeling so good.’
Edward opened the bedroom door and proceeded inside, as invited by Jill. She and Beti were curled up on the bed together. Jill looked a little bleary-eyed, but also quite cute and appealing in her weary but relaxed repose.
‘In what way are you feeling unwell?’ Edward enquired, although he could fathom a fair guess of his own accord.
‘Just the usual when you’ve drunk too much,’ Jill replied. ‘Dry throat, bit of a headache, a slight feeling of sickness in the stomach. It’s your fault. I’d almost stopped drinking. You’ve given me a taste for wine again.’
‘Sorry about that,’ Edward said. ‘So, was it a good night?’ he asked.
‘It was, but perhaps a little too good,’ Jill said. ‘It was a pity you couldn’t make the pub.’
‘I had a nice catch-up with Alan and Gwen. I’ll definitely come next time,’ Edward promised. ‘I just thought it might be a bit soon to meet them.’
‘That’s all right. I can barely remember the end of the evening to be honest. I must have drunk more than I thought. It’s no wonder I’ve got a hangover,’ Jill said.
‘Sounds like you had the best part of a bottle and a half of wine, from what you told me,’ Edward said.
‘It certainly feels like it now,’ Jill joked.
‘Can I get you some tea and toast?’ Edward offered.
‘Tea would be nice, and some aspirin or paracetamol if you can find some. There should be some in the drawer. I think I might leave the toast for a while, until I’ve woken up a bit more and feel slightly better,’ Jill said.
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Edward told her. ‘You just close your eyes and have a little rest for a moment.’
Edward left her and returned to the kitchen. He put the kettle on to boil and placed two slices of bread in the toaster to brown for himself. As he waited for the water to heat, he found some aspirin in one of the drawers, to take to Jill. When the tea was ready, he poured out a mug of it and dutifully carried it into the bedroom, together with the packet of aspirin. He watched, as Jill washed down two of the small, white tablets with a gulp of hot tea.
‘Hopefully, they’ll start to work their magic soon,’ Jill said. ‘I can’t lie in bed all day. We have a shop to open.’
‘Don’t worry about that. I’ll look after the shop today. You just worry about getting yourself better. Remember, we have our date at the coffee shop if you’re well enough,’ Edward reminded her.
‘I’ll definitely be well enough for that,’ Jill insisted.
‘May I suggest you have your tea, then go back to sleep for a couple of hours. When you’re ready, treat yourself to a nice hot shower or a lazy bath,’ Edward proposed. ‘That might do the trick.’
‘What about you?’ Jill asked.
‘I’ll be in the shop. I’ll be fine there. I’m not short of things to get on with,’ Edward said.
‘Are you sure that’s all right?’ Jill asked.
‘It’s absolutely fine,’ Edward assured her. ‘My only request is you try and get yourself well enough for lunch. If not, we’ll just do it another time.’
Edward then left her to finish her tea and get some sleep. He sat down in the kitchen, to eat his modest breakfast. He missed Gwen’s sausage, bacon, and eggs. He was practically a vegetarian these days. No such food was even allowed in the house. His tea was still warm, but his toast had gone cold. He wasn’t especially bothered. It was a minor inconvenience, for ensuring Jill was comfortable and would be better in time to go to the coffee shop with him at lunchtime. After washing up his breakfast things, Edward had a quick shower. He then returned to his bedroom, to put on his work clothes or what he considered to be his work clothes. In truth, there was very little difference between what he wore in the shop and what he wore casually. He looked at his face in the mirror. It had been a while since he’d shaved. His white stubble would now pass muster as a neat, little beard. He quite liked it. In a way, it suited him. He imagined Alice would have been less impressed. Of course, that added to Edward’s sense of minor pleasure at his slightly changed appearance. He’d love her to see him looking quite different and perhaps doing different things when he finally returned home.
‘I’m going down to open up,’ Edward called out, when at last he was ready.
He spent the morning pottering in the bookshop. He did all the usual things. He checked the emails. There were a couple of general ones, as well as one or two more specific ones, enquiring after particular books. He answered them as best he could, checking where he might be able to source the requested items. The phone rang several times and a couple of customers poked their heads in. A draft of the advert he hoped to place in the local evening paper had been sent for him to check. He hadn’t received a draft of the flyer yet. There was no hurry about that. When he wasn’t dealing with these things, he continued with the sorting, cataloguing, and pricing of the random, unsorted books. At least the piles had gone down, though there were still a lot of books to get through. Jill had piled dozens behind her desk and in the back office. Edward hadn’t even made a start on them yet. All in good time, he told himself.
Around mid-morning, there was a thud on the doormat. Edward looked up. The postman had left a package. He hadn’t stopped to speak. He’d continued straight on with his deliveries at the next building. Edward got up. The parcel was addressed to him. It was book shaped. He opened it. It was the book he’d ordered for a customer – The Great European Treaties of the Nineteenth Century. He only hoped the customer would return to collect it. It wasn’t the end of the world if he didn’t. Edward would just put it on the shelves, in the hope of selling it someone else. This was after all just a hobby really, he reminded himself. It didn’t really matter to him if it made money. Of course, it mattered to Jill, he assumed. Even that would eventually cease to be the case, Edward was resolved. Whatever happened between them and whether he stayed or went, when he eventually left Swansea, he’d see her all right. He was determined of that. He’d leave her a generous amount, enough to ensure money wasn’t a worry for the remainder of her working life. The money was no great use to him. He might as well give some of it to someone for whom it would actually make a difference, he thought. Otherwise, there was no point having it.
Edward barely noticed time pass. He found he quite enjoyed being by himself in the shop, deciding which task he’d do next, not having to worry about anyone else and their demands and priorities. To all intents and purposes, he was his own boss. He’d probably go as far to say that he now took the lead in the informal business partnership he’d established with Jill. She seemed content to leave him to it and let him run the shop in any way he saw fit. That suited Edward. He liked being in control. He liked to be the decisionmaker. Before he knew it, he looked at his watch and it was quarter to one. He thought he heard movement from above. He sensed Jill was coming down. She suddenly presented herself to him. She was clearly revived by her sleep. She’d even put on a different dress. She did a quick twirl for him.
‘What do you think?’ she asked.
Edward nodded his head approvingly.
‘You look lovely,’ he told her. ‘Are you feeling any better?’
‘Much better thanks,’ she said.
‘Well enough to go for lunch at the coffee shop?’ Edward asked.
‘Of course,’ Jill said. ‘I wouldn’t want to miss that.’
‘Are you ready to leave now?’ Edward enquired.
‘Absolutely,’ Jill answered.
‘In which case we’d better lock up,’ Edward said. ‘I’ll just go and get my jacket and wallet.’
‘Beti can hold the fort,’ Jill commented. ‘We can come back later and take her out for her walk.’
They switched off the lights and turned the open shop sign to closed. They were done for the day. They wouldn’t reopen again that afternoon. The coffee shop was just yards away, barely any distance to walk at all. Edward and Jill wandered in. Jill was a regular of long standing. Edward now considered himself a regular too, even if this was still his first week working at the bookshop. He was now just about at the end of it. It hadn’t been too bad. He’d rather enjoyed it in fact. Edward and Jill found a table to sit at. There were only a couple to choose from. Most of the customers just stopped for takeaway coffees and sandwiches, to have on the go in their lunch breaks of inadequate length. Edward and Jill were in no hurry. They’d reached a mutual decision to take the rest of the day off and wouldn’t be returning to work at the bookshop.
‘Tea or coffee or something else?’ Edward asked, getting up to place their order.
‘Coffee, I think, to wake me up,’ Jill replied.
‘Is a latte all right?’ Edward continued.
‘A latte would be perfect,’ Jill said.
The coffee shop only had a very limited menu. They did a selection of savoury vegan baps, cookies, and cakes and not that much else. They also had a couple of salads for the healthier, more discerning diet. Everything was plant-based. Edward didn’t ask Jill what she wanted. He simply ordered one of everything on the menu. He thought they could mix and match and share however they liked. What they didn’t eat now they could save for later. Besides, Edward wanted to treat Jill. He wanted to show she was important to him. What better way than through generous portions of food.
‘What are we having to eat?’ Jill asked, suddenly aware Edward hadn’t actually asked what she wanted.
‘You’ll have to wait and see,’ Edward said.
He liked to gently tease her, as he had about their dinner date earlier in the week.
‘I hope it’s plenty. I’m actually quite hungry now,’ Jill explained.
‘That’s probably a good thing,’ Edward answered. ‘As I’ve ordered everything they have.’
‘What do you mean, everything they have?’ Jill enquired.
‘Exactly that. I’ve ordered one of everything on the menu,’ Edward revealed. ‘I want you to have a complete choice. Just tuck in however you feel like doing.’
‘You’re crazy.’ Jill laughed.
‘Not really, it’s only a little menu, so it probably won’t be very much at all,’ Edward commented.
‘It will be more than enough for me,’ Jill said.
‘Don’t worry. We’ll just keep anything we can’t manage to eat now, to take home with us,’ Edward said.
They proceeded to enjoy a delicious, snacky lunch together, washed down with more than one latte. Edward had been right. It was fun to order a selection and just dip in, Jill decided. When they’d finished, it seemed too soon to go straight back.
‘Shall we go for a walk?’ Jill suggested.
‘Sounds like an excellent idea,’ Edward agreed. ‘We can walk a bit of our lunch off.’
They dropped off the food they hadn’t eaten at the bookshop first. There wasn’t actually that much. They’d done a very good job of finishing it. They then proceeded down Francis Street, in the direction of Victoria Park. Jill took Edward’s arm. They looked like one of those old-fashioned couples, captured in a black and white photograph taken a century or so earlier, walking out together for the first time. Edward looked quite formal. He was after all something of a traditionalist. Jill was quietly feminist. She was confident she could convert Edward to her ways, given enough time. She too was willing to compromise to a degree. Returning to the joys of wine was her small concession to him.
It was a beautiful day. The sky above was clear and blue. The few white clouds of early morning had slowly dispersed or moved on. Edward and Jill could feel the warm sunlight on their skin. They found a park bench, where they could sit down. It was so quiet and relaxing they both felt their eyes slowly closing. It was the first week of work Edward had done for several months. He’d forgotten what it was like. It was actually fine, at least in this new job, but he felt quite tired all the same. Jill’s eyes may have been closed, but it didn’t stop her taking Edward’s hand in hers. He didn’t mind. He made no attempt to stop her. Indeed, it felt quite nice, he realised, with her soft, white flesh against his. Her touch was light at first. Slowly, she gripped him more tightly and snuggled closer into him. Anyone passing would have assumed they were partners or lovers of long standing. In fact, they were neither.
‘So, how did you find your first week?’ Jill eventually asked, without even opening her eyes.
‘It was OK. I actually enjoyed it,’ Edward admitted.
‘It didn’t make you want to go running back to Oxford then?’ Jill continued.
‘Not at all. I feel at home here, both in the shop and in your house,’ Edward assured her.
‘You’re just being kind, like always,’ Jill suggested.
‘I promise you I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be,’ Edward insisted.
‘That’s good,’ Jill replied. ‘As long as you mean it.’
‘I do. Now can I get you an ice cream or something?’ Edward asked.
There was a small kiosk in the park, where they sold such things.
‘I’m still pretty full after lunch, to be honest,’ Jill said. ‘But if you’re having one, I’ll join you, I suppose.’
‘In weather like this, I’m definitely having one,’ Edward announced.
‘Just get me anything vegan. They may have a sorbet. If not, they’ll definitely have a lolly,’ Jill said.
‘I’ll get you the nicest thing they have,’ Edward said. ‘If I can’t see anything suitable, I’ll just come back,’
Edward eased his hand from Jill’s tight grip and wandered over to the park refreshments kiosk. His eye was immediately drawn to a selection of high quality, locally made ice creams, including several flavours of sorbet. He chose the two that sounded the nicest, mango and blood orange. He was fond of both, so would just let Jill choose which she wanted and have the one that was left. That was the gentlemanly thing to do. Of course, he could have had an ice cream, made with rich clotted cream or similar. He could have done but for some reason, almost to his surprise, he was trying to respect Jill’s vegan principles as far as he could. He certainly wasn’t a vegan himself and would in all likelihood continue to eat meat and dairy products when out by himself. He realised he was much less likely to in Jill’s presence. Edward took the two sorbets back to Jill and held them out for her to select the one most to her liking.
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘It’s impossible to choose. I like them both.’
‘Take the one you like best,’ Edward told her. ‘It’s the lady’s prerogative. I don’t mind which I have.’
‘OK, I’ll have the mango then,’ Jill said.
Mango was one of her favourite fruits, as it was his. That left Edward with blood orange, but he liked that just as much.
‘Is that all right?’ she asked, in a mildly timid voice.
‘Of course, it is,’ Edward said. ‘If I was the tiniest bit bothered, I could get another mango one for myself. Besides, I love blood orange.’
They sat on the bench together and consumed their sorbets in the sunshine. Jill had a broad grin on her face. She felt much better than she had when she’d woken. Her hangover had as good as gone. The food, followed by a refreshing sorbet, had helped to revive her. Eventually, they moved on from the park and wandered across the main road to a spot where the coastal path ran along the top of the beach. They found another bench to sit on. They had views of the entire bay. It stretched out magnificently in front of them. With sunshine and blue sky above, it looked at its glorious best. Port Talbot stood to the east, Mumbles Pier and lighthouse to the west, as always. It was a view Edward had enjoyed many times since his arrival nearly three weeks earlier. He’d now been away that long, and he’d had almost no contact with Alice, except for the simple text he’d sent to tell her he’d be in touch when he was ready. It was something he knew he had to resolve eventually. He just remained in no hurry to do so. Partly because he still didn’t know his own mind. He wondered if Jill was moving inexorably to making some kind of decision for him. He just hoped whatever decision he ultimately came to would be the right one.
‘I’ve been as far as Mumbles Lighthouse in that direction,’ Edward pointed with his finger. ‘One day I’ll walk to Port Talbot in the other, or at least as far as I can get to. It will be a nice challenge for an old man like me. My walking has definitely improved since I got here. I think in the last week, I’ve even started losing a bit of weight, since I stopped having all those cooked breakfasts and morning cakes.’
‘You have lost weight,’ Jill told him. ‘It suits you. You’re looking quite trim.’
A compliment from a woman was quite a rarity for Edward these days. He’d make sure to treasure it. He was occasionally told he had a dignified or distinguished manner to his demeanour. He was never complimented on his figure, which he’d rather allowed to spread outwards in the latter days of his financial work in London. He wasn’t quite portly, but he was more than a fraction overweight. He was fully aware of that fact. It couldn’t be denied. He was now being less sedate in his activities, however. He’d been rushing about, running errands for the bookshop, and taking Beti on her daily walks. It was perhaps starting to pay dividends. He’d noticed his trousers were no longer quite so tight, and he now wore his belt on a notch smaller than when he’d arrived. He’d just never thought anything of it, until Jill remarked as much.
‘I don’t know about that, but it’s very nice of you to say,’ Edward responded, looking very slightly embarrassed.
Back at the bookshop, Edward suggested Jill have a bit of time to herself, while he walk Beti round the block. Jill didn’t refuse. She said she’d just read a book or watch some television for a bit. When Edward got back, she’d have a little look in the kitchen to see what they might have for their evening meal. Edward said that sounded like a splendid idea. He set off with Beti on what had now become a regular trek, down to the end of King Edward’s Road, past St Helen’s Rugby and Cricket Ground and car park, and into the bottom entrance of Singleton Park. He led Beti as far as Singleton Abbey and then crossed to where the park came out in Brynmill and the lower end of the Uplands. Edward meandered his ways through the familiar streets, tightly packed with terraced houses, that he’d known so well in his student days. When he reached Rhyddings Park Road, he began his journey back. He didn’t immediately return to the bookshop. On his way, he stopped at an off-licence to pick up some wine. He felt sure Jill would want a glass on a Friday night, even if she’d been somewhat over refreshed the previous evening. He knew he would. He was right. After they’d finished eating, she was happy for him to open a bottle.
‘Just a small one for me,’ she said.
‘Have as much or as little as you want,’ Edward said. ‘I’ve got another if we need it.’
‘I’m still having flashbacks to last night and everything being rather hazy,’ Jill laughed.
‘You were a tad the worse for wear,’ Edward agreed.
‘Well, thanks for looking after me,’ Jill said.
‘I’m sure you’d have done the same for me,’ Edward responded.
‘You’re far too dignified to get drunk,’ Jill pointed out.
‘I’m not sure about that. I’m just quite good at hiding it, after years of practice,’ Edward commented.
They continued drinking and watching television together, until it was time to go to bed. Edward suddenly realised he hadn’t done any drawing or writing that day. He was trying to do an hour or so every night. It could wait. He could pick it up over the weekend. It was only a hobby after all. It wasn’t something he had to do. He might also get a chance to try out his new camera, if they ended up somewhere nice. Whilst Edward had at least three glasses of wine, Jill struggled to make much impression on her second and eventually conceded defeat and passed it to Edward.
‘I’m feeling very sleepy,’ she said. ‘Can you tuck me in again.’
‘If you like,’ Edward replied.
Jill got up and led Edward to her bedroom, where she changed into her bed clothes in front of him. When she appeared comfortably settled, Edward started to move towards the door to switch off her light.
‘Don’t leave me just yet,’ Jill interrupted him. ‘In fact, you can get in with me if you want.’
She pulled back the clothes, inviting Edward to join her. He looked a bit tentative and unsure.
‘What are you waiting for? Don’t be scared. I won’t bite. We don’t have to do anything,’ Jill said, looking amused at Edward’s apparent unease and uncertainty.
‘I suppose I could then,’ Edward agreed, slowly taking off his trousers and socks, until he was wearing only his T-shirt and underpants.
He got in beside her. She turned towards him and kissed him on the lips. Their tongues didn’t touch. Instead, she cuddled up close to Edward and fell asleep. They lay together all night, but as promised nothing happened. Edward still sensed things would never be quite the same between them again. Their relationship had changed for good. What would Alice have said if she could have seen him, he wondered? It didn’t really matter what she would have thought. After all she’d done much worse herself.
