Chapter 7
The new coffee shop and bookshop in Neath had been open a week and a half. It was continuing to go from strength to strength. There was no sign interest in it was dropping off. Indeed it was only increasing. Meredith was having politely to turn people away some days, or tell them to come back later. She didn’t have enough tables to seat them all. Of course Edward had expected there to be some initial excitement about a new business opening, but he’d imagined it would be steady rather than spectacular. In fact it had been rather more than steady in reality. It had been busy. The books weren’t selling quite so well, but they were selling some, and enough that Edward was regularly having to replace them. It was clearly a good template to take the Swansea bookshop forward, which was positively quiet in comparison. One day, perhaps in the new year, they’d start serving simple food options and beverages there too.
Whilst the new shop had been open ten days, Alice had been in Swansea a week. Christmas was just a fortnight away, and Edward and Jill had done very little to get ready for it. They’d been distracted by both the opening of the new shop and the arrival of Alice. She was continuing to spin her web of intrigue and drive a wedge between them. Of course she knew what she was doing. She did little without a good reason. She probably had it all planned out. She intended to return triumphantly to Oxford with Edward in time for Christmas. She was probably already planning to throw a big party to mark his return and welcome him back.
It would help to negate the embarrassment at work of Paul dumping her for a younger woman, as reading between the lines Edward now inferred to be what had taken place. Alice wasn’t used to being second best, and it would be a while before she lived it down and fully came to terms with the affront. Showing she could get Edward back at the mere snap of her fingers whenever she wanted, despite the fact she’d brazenly had sex with another man, would help to restore her reputation she hoped. Perhaps she’d continue to take younger lovers in the future. Edward would have to learn to accept it, and understand he couldn’t expect to have her all for himself. Edward of course might have other ideas. Firstly, there was still the small matter of winning him back in the first place.
The night before Edward was due to meet Alice at her hotel again, a strange thing happened. Edward had been in the Neath shop and Jill had been in the Swansea one, covering for Megan, who needed the day off. They’d reconvened for tea over the Swansea bookshop. Both of them were tired. Edward had begun to realise he wasn’t really cut out for physical work. The sooner he could pass on the whole of the catering side to Meredith and Daisy, and anyone else he decided to employ in the future, the better, as far as he was concerned. He was more suited to pottering around in the bookshop, and keeping on top of the admin side.
He’d expected to get something of the cold shoulder from Jill. After all he was meeting what he now considered to be his ex-wife again the following day. He imagined at the very least Jill would be a little distant with him. She was actually warm and friendly in the kind of way she had been before Alice had come to Swansea. It took Edward a little by surprise, but it was a pleasant surprise. Perhaps Jill no longer saw Alice as a threat. Perhaps she realised Alice would be gone in a couple of weeks, when they could resume their old lives. Whatever it was, Edward was quite pleased. It meant he could relax.
‘How was your day?’ Jill asked soothingly.
‘It was ok, but quite busy,’ Edward replied. ‘You know I’m not sure I’m really cut out for this coffee shop lark. I’m lucky I’ve got Meredith. I’m better just pottering around the bookshop.’
‘I did warn you that you might be biting off more than you could chew,’ Jill reminded him.
‘I know, but I’m only helping out during the first few weeks,’ Edward insisted. ‘Eventually we’ll have enough people to run both shops for us full time, and we’ll just look after the admin side. Failing that we’ll just cut back the opening hours to match what we can comfortably manage.’
‘You’ve got it all worked out in that head of yours,’ Jill remarked.
‘I try to cover all bases,’ Edward admitted. ‘At least we’re making money at last, and not just losing it. The Neath shop is doing really well. It’s exceeding all my expectations.’
‘I thought it was just meant to be a hobby for you,’ Jill commented.
‘It was at first,’ Edward conceded. ‘But now it’s become more than that. It’s a labour of love, and a matter of pride that I make both shops profitable and pay for themselves. I suppose I’ve still got a bit of that old business determination to make money left in me, even though I’m trying to be an artist in my old age.’
‘I guess you can be both,’ Jill acknowledged.
‘Anyway, enough about me, how was you day?’ Edward enquired.
‘It was fine, but pretty quiet,’ Jill answered.
‘We’ll get coffee and cakes in at the Swansea shop as well as Neath for the new year at the very least,’ Edward proposed. ‘That should make a difference.’
‘You’re always thinking one step ahead and planning to do something else,’ Jill remarked. ‘Before we know it, you’ll have a chain right across South Wales.’
‘No, two shops is enough,’ Edward assured her. ‘Although Mumbles would be the perfect setting for a third,’ he suggested, starting to think it might not be such a bad idea.
‘Not yet,’ Jill protested. ‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘No, that would be a long way off,’ Edward agreed. ‘We have to make what we already have work first.’
After they’d eaten, Edward washed up and put everything away. It was their normal routine for Jill to cook and Edward to clear up, as she was a much better cook than he was, even though he could now make some claims to be a professional caterer. He still wasn’t in her league, and didn’t pretend to be. He did know how to open a bottle of fine wine, and he handed Jill a glass. He wanted to set the seal on what had been a pleasant evening so far, and improve the mood further by sharing a glass or two together. They sat cuddling each other on the sofa in front of the television, as they sipped their wine. It was just like the old days, before Alice had come between them. Edward suspected he wouldn’t be getting any writing or drawing or painting done that evening. His hobbies would have to wait for another evening.
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
The next day Edward got up early. He planned to pop to Neath briefly in the morning. He was seeing Alice in the afternoon at her hotel. He was meant to be attending his art class in the evening, but he wasn’t certain he’d get to it. It could be another week missed. Jill had a meeting of her book club. Everything seemed to be coming at once. He’d be glad to get Christmas out of the way and things back to normal, or at least the normal he’d enjoyed for the last six months or so with Jill. Of course he realised he’d probably trot meekly back to Alice, if he didn’t have someone else. He’d accept her word that the affair with Paul was over, and she’d be faithful in the future. He’d accept the part of cuckolded husband, and return to her bed. Except he did have a choice. Now he had someone else in his life.
As Edward wasn’t planning to stay at work long, he’d arranged for Daisy to help Meredith through the lunchtime rush, assuming there was one. Seeing that the coffee shop was busy most of the time had vindicated his decision to serve items that could be prepared quickly and easily – pies, quiches, pasties, sandwiches and baguettes. Even the jacket potatoes were put in the oven first thing, so they were ready by lunchtime. Everything was just served with a nice salad and a handful of crisps, so could be done in minutes. Some of the complicated coffees actually took as long as the food. Simple savoury dishes meant that Meredith could keep on top of it by herself most of the time, but it helped to have someone else to take the orders and clear away, as well as look after any book enquiries and sales. And naturally there was always washing up to be done. So far they’d managed admirably, though Edward was open to the idea of taking on more casual, part-time staff for both shops in due course.
Edward picked up a vegan curry pasty on his way to meet Alice at her hotel. He could have taken one of his own from the coffee shop, but he hadn’t thought to until too late. His mind had been on other things. As far as he knew they weren’t planning to eat formally at the hotel again on this occasion. He knew that was a danger anyway. The wine would start to flow, and he’d start feeling his control and defences weakening. Alice would start to get under his skin. Only the night before he’d enjoyed carnal pleasures with Jill. He couldn’t then allow himself to start thinking about sex with someone else. It just wasn’t cricket.
Edward had always very much been a one-woman man. Indeed he could pretty much count the number of lovers he’d had on one hand. There had been just one before Angela, when he was eighteen, whom he’d met towards the end of his A-level studies. Her name was Susan, and he’d lost his virginity to her. Contrasting university courses had taken their lives in different directions. Then Edward had met Angela not long after starting at Swansea. They’d become pretty much inseparable after that, and the rest was history. They’d eventually settled in Oxford, got married and had kids when the time was right.
After Angela died, Edward had been lost. He’d been running on autopilot a lot of the time, going to work whilst bringing up two teenagers. He hadn’t had much time for romance, but there had been a couple before Alice. One, Denise, he’d met through work, but she was based in London and it hadn’t quite worked out. Another his Oxford friends had persuaded him to date, mainly to get him out of the house and to begin the process of healing after Angela’s death. Her name was Linda. She was a nice woman, but it had just petered out in time, mainly because she wasn’t Angela in truth. Then he’d met Alice, and he’d realised he was finally ready to move on. Since then there was Jill. That made just five woman in total he’d made love to. It wasn’t a huge figure by modern standards. It wasn’t a great number to show for his sixty years. No doubt Alice had a lot more. He’d never asked her number. Neither had he asked Jill’s. He knew Jill had spent many years alone. Alice had never been alone or short of prospective lovers.
When Edward arrived at the Swansea Marriott, he found Alice in the bar. Her laptop was open in front of her. She had her reading glasses on, and looked more businesslike. She’d evidently been working. No doubt she was spending a lot of her time here or in her room, working remotely and keeping on top of things. Hers was a busy and demanding job, and she was good at it. It was a mark of the esteem in which she was held that she’d been given special dispensation to spend the run-up to Christmas in Swansea. It might also have been influenced by a need for the situation with Paul to cool and get back to normal, before she returned to the office. Work love triangles were generally bad news and not good for anyone. Edward got himself a drink, before joining Alice at her table.
‘Well, good afternoon, Edward,’ Alice greeted him, looking up from her work. ‘And how are you today?’
‘I’m very well,’ Edward said.
And he realised he was. Since coming to Swansea he’d barely had a sniffle. It must have been all that sea air. He’d had them all the time back in Oxford. His mild heart arrythmia had also been more settled since arriving in Wales. It was a while since he’d had a flare-up of his atrial fibrillation. He put those he’d had mainly down to work stress, and the rich diet he’d enjoyed in his working life, where long business lunches were common, and the wine and port flowed freely. Now his alcohol intake was restricted mainly to evenings, and only some of those. He and Jill liked to keep a few weekdays alcohol free when they could, though there had been fewer of those since Alice’s arrival, he had to admit. Perhaps deliberately she’d put an added strain on their relationship.
‘Have you eaten?’ Alice enquired.
‘I picked up a pasty on my way here,’ Edward replied.
‘OK, I may get something later then,’ Alice remarked.
‘Go ahead. Don’t mind me,’ Edward said.
‘Look, I’ve been thinking,’ Alice started to say, changing the subject. ‘If your heart is so set on running a bookshop, why don’t we just open one back in Oxford? It would be a much better place for it than either Swansea or Neath. It could be a real success. I could even help you with the business eventually. I could possibly go part-time in my own work, and when I retire I could join you in yours.’
‘That’s a very generous offer, but I’m happy with the ones I’ve got,’ Edward insisted.
‘But I can’t see why. The Swansea one is positively antiquated,’ Alice stated.
‘That’s why I like it,’ Edward explained.
‘I just don’t know understand what you see in such a grimy place. We could close them both and open somewhere nice,’ Alice continued.
‘Don’t forget the Swansea shop is in Jill’s name,’ Edward reminded Alice. ‘The Neath one does belong to me, however.’
‘Whatever,’ Jill said dismissively. ‘We could close the Neath one then, and invest the money in something nice back in Oxford.’
‘No thanks. I like it in Neath,’ Edward said, refusing to be budged on the subject.
‘I just don’t understand you at all,’ Alice sighed.
‘Perhaps you never did,’ Edward suggested.
‘I do have another idea,’ Alice continued. ‘If you like Wales so much, why don’t we just get a holiday cottage on the Gower, and we could spend our summers here? I could work remotely through those months, just as I am now.’
Edward nodded.
‘That’s not so stupid,’ he had to admit.
‘I’m sure I could get used to it,’ Alice said. ‘I might even learn to like the fresh air.’
Edward was less certain of that. He couldn’t imagine Alice operating outside of Oxford and London and that world she inhabited for very long. He was surprised she wasn’t struggling more now after a week away. Perhaps she was just putting on a brave face. Perhaps she was doing it all for him. She was after all a consummate actress. She knew how to play a part, and was very good at it.
‘You are forgetting one small thing. There’s the small matter of Jill. I’m with her now,’ Edward reminded Alice.
‘Oh, forget Jill, I’m your wife,’ Alice declared, as if it wasn’t even a consideration and had no relevance to their current situation.
‘I can’t do that,’ Edward insisted. ‘At some point you’re going to have to accept that it’s over between us, and I’m staying here in Wales. I know it’s not a very pleasant thing for either of us, but we will have to start thinking about a divorce.’
‘Poppycock!’ Alice interrupted him. ‘But if you insist on bringing that up, I think we should go upstairs to my room, where we can at least chat and discuss the details in private. Besides, I have something for you there, an early Christmas present if you like. You may as well have it now.’
‘You really don’t have to give me anything,’ Edward told her.
There was a note of sadness and resignation in his voice, but also an undercurrent of quiet determination. He really didn’t like doing this, but felt he had no choice. He was under pressure from Jill to bring matters to their natural conclusion as soon as possible. It was probably best for everyone concerned that Alice return to Oxford sooner rather than later, so everyone could get on with their lives with the minimum of bad feeling.
‘It’s too late. I’ve already got you a present. I just hope you like it,’ Alice said and smiled.
Sometimes Edward wondered whether she listened to him at all. She seemed far more intent on continuing to play her mind games. She obviously thought she could still twist him round her little finger whatever he said to the contrary. Edward wasn’t totally sure she wasn’t right. Like an obedient puppy dog, against his better judgement he followed Alice upstairs. He knew once inside her room he was on shaky ground. At least it was afternoon not evening, and he’d only had one drink downstairs. That had been a mistake. He’d done it automatically without thinking. He should have ordered a coffee or tea, but had noticed Alice was sipping a wine, so had done the same.
As Alice closed the door behind him, Edward couldn’t help wondering what he was entering. It felt like a metaphorical den of iniquity, but when he looked around it was just a normal room, with a wardrobe, chest of drawers, several chairs, a double-bed and a television. It was suitably spacious and well appointed, as one would expect of such a hotel, but there was nothing unusual or out of the ordinary about it. Edward had stayed in many such rooms in London during his working days, when he’d had evening meetings or social events to attend, and it had been too late to get a train back to Oxford afterwards.
‘Well make yourself at home,’ Alice said casually. ‘I’ll just change into something more comfortable.’
She slipped into the bathroom before Edward had time to object. When she emerged, she was dressed in a blue, silk dress and heels. Edward could see she was wearing no underwear underneath. The thermostat was maintaining the room temperature at a warm 22 degrees, so she wasn’t cold, despite it being mid-December. Edward wasn’t cold either. Indeed he was hot enough to have removed his coat and jacket, and placed them on the bed. Alice was carrying a bottle of wine. Edward realised he was entering even more dangerous territory.
‘This is your present. I’m sorry I haven’t wrapped it. I brought it with me from London,’ Alice explained, handing the bottle to him.
Edward knew instantly what it was. He didn’t even need to check the label. He’d occasionally arranged such wines as gifts himself when he wanted to sweeten a deal. It was a Chateau Lafite Rothschild, a tasty Bordeaux that gave little change from a £1,000 a bottle. Edward knew for a fact Harrods stocked them, and that was no doubt where Alice had bought it, unless she’d received it as a gift from an admirer herself. It was almost too good to drink.
‘I can’t possibly accept that,’ Edward protested.
‘Of course you can,’ Alice said, taking it from him.
She’d opened the bottle before he could even tell her not to, and poured out two generous glasses. She handed one to him.
‘It’s a pity to waste it,’ she said, with a hint of cockiness in her voice.
She was being confident and self-assured, unfortunately how Edward liked her best. She knew what she was doing, and seemed to have total control of the situation. Edward was a mere pawn in her game. She was manipulating him to her advantage at every move. He’d known it was a mistake to come upstairs. He’d needed to keep proceedings formal and businesslike downstairs. Now she had him where she wanted him, and had got the upper hand in affairs as they were unfolding. Before he knew it he found they were sitting up on the bed side by side together. Edward raised his glass to his mouth and took his first sip. It was like heaven in liquid form. It sent his taste buds into ecstasy. It was the finest wine he’d tasted since retiring.
‘So what do you think? Is it worth what it cost?’ Alice asked, moving a little closer to him. ‘You’re the connoisseur of wine and women after all,’ she added coyly.
‘I fear I’m the connoisseur of neither, but it’s very nice wine.’ Edward told her.
‘You know that’s only part of your present,’ Alice whispered.
‘You’ve got me enough. I really don’t need anything else,’ Edward insisted.
‘Well, it’s only this,’ Alice stated.
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
He wasn’t sure quite what else to say. Part of him felt terrible. Another part of him, the schoolboy inside, felt like the kid who’d just got the candy, or the adolescent who’d finally wooed his teenage crush and had his wicked way with her. He didn’t feel very good about himself, although he’d just had the time of his life. He walked back along the bay wistfully and deep in thought. What on earth would he tell Jill? It was best to say nothing. She’d probably tell by his manner that something was amiss and wrong. He’d have to pretend otherwise and that the meeting was a positive one in terms of obtaining a favourable divorce. Instead he’d made love to Alice twice and been in her mouth on a third occasion. It was beyond rhyme and reason how he’d fallen from grace so spectacularly, as to have two women in as many days.
Whatever he said to Jill, he feared his guilt would betray him. He would either be too casual, or else act in a shifty manner. He knew too that women’s intuition was a powerful thing. Jill was suspicious of his intentions towards Alice anyway. She might guess what had happened. If it came out, Edward didn’t think he could deny it. He was by nature a truthful and honest man. It wasn’t part of his character to lie. He saw little choice but admitting what he’d done, and accepting the consequences, whatever they were. He presumed that would mean Jill leaving him, and he being forced to pack up and return to Oxford with Alice with his tail between his legs. He’d have to sell the Neath business, or pass it on to Meredith. Only time would tell how it all panned out.
As he walked, Edward’s head was spinning wildly. It was filled with confusion. Confused thoughts grappled with each other, as he fought with his conscience. He’d believed himself to be a good person, who always acted in an honourable and decent fashion. Perhaps he was in fact a bad one. He no longer knew what he wanted. Surely deep down it was Jill he was destined to be with, if he hadn’t already blown it. Alice was his past, or was she? The truth was he’d not only spent the whole afternoon having sex with her in her hotel room, he’d enjoyed every minute of it. He’d been fully aware of what was happening at every step, yet he’d gone along with it. He could have put a stop to it at any point. He hadn’t. He’d carried on regardless. Despite the guilt, part of him didn’t even regret it. It made him think perhaps it was in fact Alice not Jill he really wanted. The truth was he no longer knew himself.
Perhaps it was just something he had to get out of his system. Perhaps he felt compelled to reassert himself with his wife, to prove he could take back control of her and have her again. Her affair with Paul had been a slight on his masculinity. It had diminished him in some way. It had made him feel weak and insignificant. The fact that Edward had taken her not just once but twice that afternoon was confirmation he still had vigour and virility when it was needed. He could satisfy his wife in the bedroom department if required.
Heart illness in his fifties had affected his ability to have sex to a degree. Wales and his new life had reinvigorated him. It had given him new energy. He had demonstrated that in a way that had quite taken Alice back. Edward was slimmer, fitter and stronger than at the start of the year. She would have been content with once. Twice and his coming in her mouth had exceeded all expectations. She couldn’t wait to get him into bed again. For his part, Edward realised he did in fact like sex with his wife. He also liked it with Jill. What on earth was he going to do now? He didn’t have a clue himself. He knew he couldn’t have two women in his life. He’d have to choose one or other eventually. But which one was it to be? The choice wasn’t entirely easy.
His heart was torn. There were strong arguments for staying where he was with Jill and sending Alice packing. There were equally valid arguments in favour of going back to Oxford with Alice. Edward realised with a sinking feeling in his heart he actually wanted both of them. But he couldn’t have them both. He couldn’t possess two women. He had to choose one or the other. Alice was probably physically the more attractive of the two. Jill was undoubtedly the nicer person. He liked Oxford. He had a big house there, set in its idyllic own grounds. But in many ways he’d exhausted Oxford and London and the social scenes he’d inhabited in them. He’d been doing the rounds for nearly forty years there. He was still discovering Wales, and it was a voyage of discovery he was enjoying. It was a pity Alice had arrived to bugger it all up. It would have been better and simpler if she’d just stayed with Paul. Then Edward wouldn’t have been left with a difficult choice to make.
Edward took his time getting home. He wanted time to get things straight in his head, and sort his story out first. It would be tricky acting naturally and casually around Jill, as if nothing had happened, when it had. But it was something he’d have to do, unless he wanted it all to come out. He would become an instant pariah. Jill would be crushed. She’d be very disappointed in him, and rightly so. He realised he couldn’t face her right now. Instead he sat on a bench overlooking the bay, until he was certain she’d have gone out. She had a meeting of her book club. Often she hosted it in the bookshop, but it was someone else’s turn tonight. It was a stroke of luck for Edward. It meant he could have a shower and wash any evidence of Alice off.
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
Edward felt horrible for Jill. He’d been a terrible person, but it wouldn’t necessarily stop him repeating the folly. He wasn’t as strong as he thought he was. He was as susceptible to the temptations of the flesh as the next man. He was weak and easily manipulated. The sight of a woman’s body had been too much. Alice had a superb figure. He might have known he couldn’t say no when offered it on a plate. His real mistake had been putting himself in that position in the first place. Edward knew that. Once he’d agreed to go up to her room, it had been game over. Subconsciously he’d probably known that, as he’d followed her up the stairs.
It wouldn’t remain a secret for long. It would all come out one way or another. Alice was certain to make sure of that. What a fool he’d been. He’d put his entire new life at risk and on the line. He could already see it all crumbling before his very eyes. Jill was sure to leave him. She’d remain at their King Edward Road address. Alice would be at the Swansea Marriott, and he’d be alone at Victoria Gardens in Neath. What a sorry state of affairs it would be, and it would be entirely of his own doing. It would be his fault and no one else’s. Of course Alice would have played her part. He could have said no. He hadn’t. It was up to him to face the music.
It might be better coming from his own lips rather than Alice’s. Perhaps he should just admit his guilt. He just didn’t know if he could do it. He didn’t know where to start. He’d let Jill down so badly. It would be a very hard thing to tell her that he’d betrayed her trust in such a spectacular way. He’d assured her there was nothing to worry about, and there was no possibility of him returning to Alice. It appeared he’d been mistaken. There was in fact every chance of that happening after all. Now he didn’t even know his own mind. Alice had confused him. He no longer knew who or what he wanted.
It make him walk even slower and dawdle even longer. He kept ambling for a bit, before finding another bench on which to sit for a while. Despite it being a cold night, and getting colder by the minute, with the sea breeze coming in off the sandy bay, Edward remained in no mood to hurry. He looked at his watch. It was almost 7pm. Jill had probably left by now. Her meeting was due to start at 7.30. He should have been getting ready for his art class. It was too late. Evidently he was going to miss it again, not for the first time lately. They’d be wondering what had happened to him. He’d be way behind on the projects they were working on. It seemed unimportant at that moment in time. It was the last thing on his mind. He had more pressing matters to concern him.
Edward sat looking at the lights of Port Talbot to the east and Mumbles to the west. The whole bay was lit up, although he himself was sat in semi-darkness. It was a beautiful sight. It made him feel alive, despite what he’d one. He’d just have to accept whatever was coming to him, he realised, and pay the price for his own actions, whatever that was. It might mean he ended up on his own and with neither women, and having to pick up the pieces and start again by himself. That would be the biggest irony of all.
Just for this evening he’d act as if nothing had happened. He’d try and appear cool and casual, and maintain the pretence he and Alice had been thrashing out the details of the divorce. In fact they’d been in each other’s arms, making love and reliving the good times. Jill didn’t need to know that, at least not just yet. She’d probably come back from her book club meeting in a good mood, having enjoyed a drink or two afterwards. Edward didn’t want to spoil it. There was no point. He felt certain Alice would do that for him before many days had passed.
No doubt she couldn’t wait to tell Jill what had happened as soon as she could. She’d be desperate to spill the beans. It was highly unlikely she’d keep it to herself very long. It would be her trump card, and she’d play it with glee. It was why it was better for Edward to tell Jill himself. Tonight definitely wasn’t the right time. It was difficult to imagine when it would be. It would have to be when they had a quiet moment alone together, and they could discuss it in a calm and rational manner. Edward didn’t know when that would possibly be, or exactly what he might say. Alice would probably get in before him anyway.
Edward had another reason for not wanting to raise it too soon. He no longer knew his own mind. He could hardly deny he’d had an amazing time with Alice that afternoon, just as he’d had fun with Jill the previous evening. It had coloured his opinion. He was no longer so certain he wanted to remain in Wales with Jill. Perhaps it would be easier just to return to Oxford with Alice and resume his old life. Whatever he did was wrong and would hurt someone. Jill might not even want him anymore, when she discovered the truth. She might no longer be able to bear even to look him in the eye. He’d forgiven Alice for her affair with Paul. Jill might not be so forgiving of Edward’s own failings with Alice.
Of course he should never have put himself in the position that he had in the first place. It was of his own making. He should have resisted temptation. He shouldn’t have gone upstairs with Alice. Perhaps he shouldn’t have even agreed to meet her at her hotel again. He knew it was a distinct possibility she might try to seduce him, yet he’d still gone to meet her there. He’d put greater faith in his own will power than it deserved. He wasn’t as resolute as he believed himself to be. It had taken Alice little more than a week to break down all his resistance.
Edward had allowed his judgement to be influenced by sex. He knew deep down Alice was just manipulating and using him. If he resumed his life in Oxford with her, she’d soon return to her old ways. She’d probably tire of him after a while, and the old boredom would return. Perhaps she’d find another younger lover in time. Her contrition over her affair with Paul had been quite limited. She liked the lifestyle more than Edward anyway. She probably wanted him back more for the sake of appearances than any real love she felt for him. Though he suspected he had surprised her that afternoon with his trimmer frame, and the energy and vigour he’d brought to the bedroom. He’d been sluggish the last time they’d done it, perhaps more concerned not to exert his heart overly than to give and receive sexual pleasure. That hadn’t been an issue that afternoon, and Allice had seemed to enjoy it every bit as much as he had.
Even so he knew deep down Jill was the better person. If he had any sense he wouldn’t be entertaining any thoughts of going back to Oxford. He’d stay where he was and where he was happy. He’d built a new life and should stick with it. He’d improved the business in Swansea, and he’d started a new one in Neath. It would be a pity to throw it all away. More importantly he’d found a new partner he enjoyed the company of. She deserved better than he’d delivered that day. The problem was Alice was hard for any heterosexual man to resist, and to his great shame he’d been unable to.
When he finally skulked home, Edward felt a mild pang of relief to find Jill had indeed left before him. He could relax for a moment to think things through more carefully. There had always been the small possibility that Jill might have decided at the last minute not to go. He was pleased she had gone as planned. Although back in their domestic environment, surrounded by their joint things and possessions, the reality of what he’d done began to hit home more starkly. He felt sick to the stomach. He’d been such a fool. It was easy too to see why he’d done it. Faced with the same situation and Alice’s naked breasts offered to him, he knew he’d probably do the same thing again. He was such a weak and wretched man. He felt ashamed of himself and his own weakness. It was pathetic. Despite his wretchedness, he couldn’t even be certain he wouldn’t repeat his folly. He felt little better than a morphine addict. He slumped sadly in a chair and awaited Jill’s return.
Jill bounced in a little after 11pm. Edward could tell straight away she’d been drinking and was in a jovial mood. Perhaps she was still recalling the night of passion they’d enjoyed the previous evening. Much had happened since then, although Jill wasn’t to know that for the time being. She probably knew a reconciliation between Edward and Alice was a small possibility. She’d never have anticipated it taking place in such dramatic fashion as it had done that afternoon. She probably preferred to engross herself in her book club and a few drinks afterwards, so she didn’t have to think about Alice.
‘How was your night?’ Edward asked first.
‘It was fun,’ Jill replied. ‘We had quite a lively discussion, and then went to the pub when we’d finished. I think I may have had one too many though.’
‘There’s no harm in that,’ Edward told her. ‘I’m glad you had a nice time anyway.’
‘And how did you get on?’ Jill enquired. ‘I notice you were late again. I expected you back earlier.’
‘I think we must have just missed each other,’ Edward suggested. ‘I got in probably just after you left.’
‘Did you manage to thrash out all the details of the divorce?’ Jill wondered.
‘Something like that, though there are still one or two sticking points to resolve,’ Edward answered.
He didn’t like telling a direct lie, although in all probability Jill would find out the truth soon enough of her own accord without his help. The truth of course was he’d spent the whole afternoon in intimate congress with Alice, his estranged wife. He hadn’t even left her bed and her hotel after making love to her the first time. He’d remained naked beside her, and then made love to her again after a brief interlude to re-energise. He could hardly believe it had happened, but it had.
Despite the guilt he felt, he couldn’t even be sure there wouldn’t be further repeat performances in the coming days. Having Jill standing before him, talking to him with trusting innocence in her eyes and voice, wasn’t sufficient to make him certain. He truly was a pretty wretched man. It hadn’t taken him very long to fall so far from the lofty standards of decent behaviour he aspired to. Morally he was a pale shadow of the man he’d been just over a week earlier. He could occupy the moral high ground then. Now it had been pulled from underneath him like a rug.
‘I thought we might get an early night again,’ Jill suggested, smiling sweetly but also suggestively at him.
She was clearly hinting at more than just an early night. Edward pointedly didn’t take the hint on this occasion.
‘You go on, and I’ll join you in a bit,’ he said instead.
It was the first time in their relationship he hadn’t jumped at the opportunity of sex with Jill, which she thought rather odd in itself. He’d never given it a second thought before. At the merest suggestion, he’d been straight to bed with her. He hadn’t needed any second invitation. He did this time. He couldn’t possibly have sex with Jill tonight, he realised, not after spending the whole afternoon in sexual union with Alice. It just seemed wrong on every level, apart from the fact physically he had nothing left to give. He’d given it all to Alice. There was no more for Jill. It only made him feel worse about himself in every sense possible. He didn’t deserve Jill. He wasn’t sure he merited anyone at all. Perhaps it would be best for everyone concerned if the two women in his life were both to leave him. After the way he’d behaved he deserved to be alone. Anything more was too good for him.
‘Well, don’t be too long,’ Jill said rather coolly, giving him a slightly confused look.
The rejection, however subtle, had rather knocked the wind out of her sails. She was confused and mildly put out to say the least. She wasn’t used to Edward being anything less than fully attentive to her physical needs. He was usually very good at taking hints in that department. She wondered why he hadn’t this time. She could only conclude it had something to do with Alice, but she wasn’t in the mood or right frame of mind to discuss it or argue about it now. When Edward finally came to bed, Jill was already asleep and quietly snoring. Edward slipped in beside her, doing his best not to wake her.
