Chapter 8
Sex did indeed complicate things, Edward realised when he awoke. In fact it royally messed them up. He’d made a terrible mistake, and he was surely soon to pay the price for that mistake. What was worse he’d actually enjoyed sex with Alice, his estranged wife, however wrong it had been to engage in it. He couldn’t say he hadn’t. It had made him feel energised and alive, even more than when he was with Jill. Maybe it was something about reclaiming her from Paul. Maybe it was because there had been something illicit and forbidden about what they’d done. They’d both enjoyed it, Alice as much as him. Now he was back in Jill’s bed, feeling terrible guilt.
They were quiet over breakfast. Jill was nursing something of a sore head. She didn’t ask that much more about Alice, and what had taken place at their latest meeting. Perhaps she half suspected. Perhaps she didn’t want to know the truth, if it was indeed what she feared it might be. Maybe in fact she just trusted Edward not to do anything wrong. He was usually a most trustworthy individual. He hadn’t been on this occasion. Sadly any trust she’d had in him had been badly misplaced. He’d let both her and himself down in dramatic fashion.
Megan wasn’t coming in until the afternoon, so Jill was spending the morning in the Swansea bookshop. Edward decided to join her, and potter about there for a bit, before popping over to Neath later. He feared Alice might call by at the earliest opportunity. No doubt she couldn’t wait to tell Jill what had transpired between them. Edward wanted at least to be there if she did. He wanted to prevent any unpleasantness getting out of hand. He wanted to face the music and Jill’s wrath in person, if it had to be faced. It would have to be at some point. Of that there was little doubt.
Edward wasn’t to be disappointed. Shortly after 10am, and not long after the shop had opened and before they’d had their first real customer of the day, Alice made her grand entrance. Naturally Jill looked quite astonished, as she looked up from her desk. She was going through a couple of phone messages that had been left on the answerphone. Edward was checking stock and completing several overnight internet orders. Of course he wasn’t surprised that Alice had come straight there. He’d have been more surprised if she hadn’t.
He wasn’t surprised either that she’d dressed up for her latest showdown and confrontation with Jill. Alice was leaving little to chance. Edward would have expected nothing less. Jill of course was at a disadvantage, even though she was on her home turf. She was just in her usual working clothes, and had made no great effort in her appearance. She had no advanced warning of Alice’s impending arrival after all. Perhaps Edward should have given her a head’s up. He hadn’t. He’d rather hoped the awkward situation would just evaporate and go away of its own accord. Clearly it wouldn’t do. It would have to be resolved one way or another eventually.
Alice had power-dressed for the occasion. She was wearing a smart business suit, consisting of fitted jacket, skirt, tights and heels. She had an expensive coat on top, fringed with what looked like real fur. That in itself was like red rag to a bull to a vegan like Jill. Alice’s lips and nails were painted red. She didn’t have a hair out of place, despite Swansea’s propensity for high winds and rain in December. No doubt she’d got a taxi there rather than walked. There was little chance Alice would appreciate the joy of walking along Swansea Bay on a breezy winter’s day.
Already Edward felt like piggy in the middle. He could barely believe he’d slept with them both in the previous 48 hours. It was incomprehensible to him, but it was also the reality of the situation. For a brief moment, he was the only one of them aware of that fact. Pretty soon all three of them would know the truth. Then the **** would hit the proverbial fan. That wasn’t a phrase or analogy Edward particularly liked. He wasn’t after all a crude man, but it was apposite in this instance. It was a highly accurate description of what in all likelihood was about to unfold and take place before his very eyes.
‘I won’t beat around the bush,’ Alice announced, getting down to business in her business suit without delay.
She’d dispensed with all pleasantries. She was making no attempt to be nice or pleasant towards Jill. She hadn’t even spoken directly to Edward.
‘I’ll get straight to the point,’ she continued, before Edward or Jill had a chance to reply or pass comment. ‘We need to put an end to this once and for all,’ she declared.
‘Well, I’m all for that,’ Jill replied dryly.
‘There’s something you should know, Jill,’ Alice told her, although she didn’t immediately say what.
Edward strongly suspected he knew what was coming next, however. Of course he could have stepped in at that moment, to try to delay the inevitable. He could have tried to deflect Alice from the course of action she was evidently set on. Edward could have simply told her not to go through with it. He could even have got in first and spoken up himself, so Jill at least heard it from him. He chose none of those options. He showed the kind of hesitancy and indecision he’d never shown in his working life.
Perhaps he was just resigned to his fate. Perhaps it was the fatalistic in him coming out. Perhaps he was just intent on letting events take their natural course. Perhaps he merely welcomed the noose, like the guilty man he was. It was growing tighter by the second. He was beginning to feel the increasing discomfort round his neck. The circle was closing with each moment that passed. Edward felt a little sick. There was nowhere to run to, although he dearly wanted to run. He wanted to escape, to get out and breathe fresh air in his throat and lungs. He couldn’t occupy the moral high ground now. He’d deserted it for somewhere altogether less familiar and less cosy. He was his own worst enemy. He’d put himself in the situation he was in. No one else was to blame, not even Alice. If he’d acted as he should have done and not given in to temptation, he wouldn’t be in this position. Perhaps it was best Alice just get on with it and deliver her coup de grace. It was evident she had every intention of doing so.
‘Well, what should I know?’ Jill enquired.
‘Yesterday afternoon Edward and I slept together at my hotel,’ Alice stated.
Jill looked a little dumfounded. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. She turned towards Edward. Her face wore the disbelieving look of someone who was very hurt and who’d been badly betrayed. She waited for Edward to issue a denial of Alice’s statement. Alice barely paused for breath before continuing. She was in full flow now.
‘Furthermore, Edward has agreed to return to Oxford with me in time for Christmas,’ Alice said.
‘Is this true?’ Jill asked, looking at Edward like a bewildered child.
‘I’ve said nothing about returning to Oxford,’ Edward protested. ‘It was a moment of weakness. It’s you that I want, Jill. I’m happy here in Wales with you, as happy as I’ve been in a very long time.’
‘But you did sleep with her,’ Jill mumbled, the truth slowly beginning to dawn on her. ‘No wonder you were late back last night.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Edward started to say.
‘How could you, when we’d slept together only the night before?’ Jill asked.
‘It just happened. I never intended to hurt you,’ Edward insisted.
Tears started to well in Jill’s eyes. At least one rolled down her cheek and landed on a creased book lying discarded on her desk in front of her.
‘I thought this was too good to be true, and apparently I was right,’ Jill continued. ‘You know I expected better of you Edward.’
‘You were right to. I expected better of myself,’ Edward agreed.
He decided further denial was pointless. His head was bowed in shared disappointment at what he’d done. He felt full of remorse. He felt disgusted with himself, although looking at Alice, taking centre stage and exuding confidence as she was, it was easy to see how he’d done it. Not many men would have been able to resist, however happy they were in their relationship. Edward had been quickly broken down and seduced, as had been Alice’s plan all along. In a little over a week she’d achieved her aim.
‘I’m sorry to be the bearer of this news, Jill, but remember I am his wife,’ Alice interrupted. ‘I’m only taking back what’s rightfully mine.’
‘Don’t say another word. Don’t say anything,’ Jill warned her. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’
‘I’m only saying what has to be said,’ Alice commented. ‘There’s no point me trying to sugarcoat it.’
‘I did warn you not to say anything else,’ Jill said, leaping to her feet, with a look of pure hatred on her face.
She moved with remarkable speed and agility for a woman in her fifties. She’d rounded her desk and had Alice’s hair firmly in her grip, before Edward could even react or move to intercept her. A scuffle followed. Alice cried out in pain. She seemed to wobble unsteadily on her heels and lose her footing. Perhaps one of her heels had broken in the ensuing struggle. Jill couldn’t hold her. Alice went crashing down. Her head hit a bookcase heavily as she fell. When she hit the floor, she lay in a crumpled heap. She didn’t move.
‘Oh my God, I think I’ve killed her,’ Jill shrieked, her voice suddenly shaking with fear and alarm.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. She’s just unconscious, or I think she is,’ Edward said. ‘She must have knocked herself out when she hit her head.’
‘I hope so,’ Jill agreed, peering over the prostrate figure beneath her, feeling very worried now and hoping that was the case and Edward’s diagnosis was correct.
Edward rushed to Alice’s aid. He got down on his hands and knees, and turned Alice over to check her condition. He knew a little about first aid, but not much. She was limp in his arms.
‘Are you all right, Alice?’ he enquired soothingly.
He didn’t want to shock her when she regained consciousness, by speaking too loudly. She didn’t reply straight away. She continued to stay limp and unresponsive.
‘Can you hear me?’ he asked, growing a little concerned himself.
Eventually to their immense relief, she began to stir.
‘Where am I?’ she wondered, looking quite confused.
‘You fell and hit your head,’ Edward explained.
Alice tried to pull herself up, but was still groggy and couldn’t get to her feet. She looked around and began to take in her surroundings. She saw Jill and her awareness gradually started to return.
‘No, she attacked me,’ Alice remembered, pointing an accusatory finger at Jill.
‘Just sit quietly for a minute,’ Edward told her. ‘No one tried to attack you.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Jill apologised. ‘I really didn’t mean to.’
Despite her dislike of Alice, Jill had no real wish to cause her permanent damage. Eventually Edward managed to get Alice into a sitting position. Her senses seemed to be slowly returning.
‘How do you feel now?’ Edward asked.
‘You’ll be hearing from my solicitors,’ Alice announced.
Edward took that as a good sign she was feeling rather better, and knew where she was and what had happened to her.
‘Can you make her a sweet tea, please,’ Edward calmly asked Jill, who did as she was asked and went to put the kettle on.
They were both keen to make amends for what had happened, and fussed over Alice until she appeared to revive. They turned the shop sign from open to closed. They definitely didn’t want anyone to come in at that moment. Jill remained hugely apologetic, despite her dislike of her love rival. She knew it was Edward she should be angry with really. He’d destroyed their happiness after all. Alice had only done what she would have done in her place. They eventually got Alice sitting in a chair and sipping from a cup of hot tea. She had a bump and small cut on her forehead.
‘We should probably get her checked out,’ Edward said. ‘I can drive her to A&E to be looked at.’
Swansea’s Singleton Hospital was only a short drive away.
‘We can talk later,’ Edward suggested.
‘I think you need to stay away tonight,’ Jill replied. ‘I need some time by myself.’
‘Of course and as you wish,’ Edward conceded.
Now the truth was out, some of his old composure had returned. It didn’t make him feel any better about himself. He realised he needed to give Jill some space, and in all likelihood would spend the evening by himself in Neath. He’d ring her when she’d had the chance to calm down and think things through. It probably still wouldn’t be good news for Edward. He feared the worst, and that he’d lost Jill for good.
Before driving Alice to the hospital, he texted Meredith to explain there had been a minor accident and he wouldn’t be coming into work that day. Jill would mind the Swansea one until Megan arrived. Edward hoped Jill would be all right. He imagined her crying by herself in the shop, and then perhaps pouring her heart out once Megan arrived. It pained him to think of her telling her daughter he’d turned out to be no good after all, despite the assurances and promises he’d made, and the new life they’d started together. It now appeared to lie in tatters.
At the nearby Singleton Hospital they were redirected to the larger Morriston Hospital on the northern outskirts of the city, which had a 24-hour Accident and Emergency Department. Edward and Alice waited for over four hours for Alice to be seen, and it wasn’t even an especially busy day. Edward imagined it would be far busier come the evening. The medics who attended Alice examined her and dressed her wounds. They were satisfied she wasn’t concussed or had suffered any lasting damage. Even so they kept her in for a couple more hours for observation, before she was finally discharged. Naturally Edward drove her back to her hotel afterwards. Neither of them had eaten, so they dined in the dining room together.
‘She was bound to find out eventually,’ Alice insisted.
‘But did you have to tell her so brutally?’ Edward asked.
‘Does it matter, now we’re back together?’ Alice wondered.
‘We’re not back together. Yesterday was a mistake,’ Edward replied.
‘Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it,’ Alice continued. ‘I know you did.’ (Edited)
‘I did enjoy it very much, but that’s not the point,’ Edward continued. ‘Jill is very upset, and it must never happen again.’
‘You know you can come upstairs with me tonight when we’ve finished eating,’ Alice suggested. ‘I could do with a bit of TLC.’
‘Jill thinks I’m staying in Neath, and that’s where I must be,’ Edward stated firmly. ‘I really must ring her to tell her what’s happened,’ he added.
‘I doubt she’ll want to hear from you,’ Alice speculated. ‘Besides I’ve been hit on the head, so you can’t really leave me. They said I shouldn’t be on my own overnight, and I don’t have anyone else.’
Alice looked up pleadingly at Edward with her big eyes. He knew she had a point. He couldn’t really leave her by herself, in case she had a reaction to the bump on the head, which he was partly responsible for.
‘OK, I’ll stay,’ he agreed reluctantly. ‘But no funny business. And please don’t tell Jill.’
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
Despite his protestations to the contrary, he knew she was probably right. Despite all the pain it had caused Jill and indeed himself, it probably would happen again, but not that night. Edward made sure he slept with his clothes on, and turned away from Alice to fall asleep. He remained facing away from her, even when she snuggled into him and put her arms around his back. He refused to allow himself to get aroused or interested. Alice was true to her word. She just fell asleep. She was probably feeling a bit oozy from the bang on the head she’d received.
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
Edward got up early. He checked to see Alice was OK, but left before she’d even gone down for breakfast. He wanted to drop the car off, in case Jill needed it. He didn’t intend going in to see Jill. He’d just put the keys through the letter box. He felt she needed time and space. Instead he’d ring her at some point just to see how she was. He would off course apologise for his actions. That was the least he could do. He didn’t expect it to make any difference. He wasn’t anticipating Jill taking him back any time soon. Why should she? He would still give her that opportunity anyway. He’d tell her it wasn’t his intention to return to Oxford with Alice. He planned to remain in Wales, even if it was by himself. He now had his bolthole in Neath to escape to. It was just as well he did. It could be his bachelor pad for the time being and foreseeable future.
It was a cold, crisp Saturday morning in December, with blue skies overhead, as Edward walked to his car. Christmas was a little over ten days away, and Edward had done almost nothing to prepare for it. There were more pressing matters at hand. At least he couldn’t complain about the weather. The winter winds had turned to a gentle breeze. They’d blown the clouds and rain of the previous few days away. The sun’s rays were beating down, but not enough to warm the chill air or Edward’s cold, broken heart. He could see his breath as he walked, although it was still early. The temperature would probably rise a little as the day wore on, but not enough to stop Edward’s hands feeling decidedly chilly. He made a mental note to pick up a new scarf and gloves the next time he had opportunity to pop to the city centre shops. He’d be passing them later as it happened, but wouldn’t really have time to stop then. Shopping was the last thing on his mind right now anyway.
Edward drove the bay route from where he’d parked near Alice’s hotel back to their King Edward Road address, passing Alan and Gwen’s guesthouse on the way. It was still the one that stood out from the rest. He realised it had been a while since he’d looked them up. That was something he’d have to rectify before Christmas, although it was a little awkward in the present circumstances. Gwen was sure to ask how things were with Jill. Edward would feel compelled to give an honest reply, and admit he’d slept with his former wife. It was a conversation he wasn’t looking forward to, but it would be difficult to avoid. Of course he could just lie and say everything was great with Jill, but it wasn’t his style to do that. He would admit the truth, that he’d brought misfortune on himself and it was all his own fault. They’d probably be shocked. All these thoughts flashed through his head, as he drove past on his way to drop off the car and keys.
Luckily he didn’t encounter Jill. He couldn’t face her right now, and what she might say to him once they were alone. No doubt he deserved it all. She was probably still upstairs having her breakfast. The shop wasn’t due to open for another hour and a half or so. Instead he left the car where she’d see it, dropped the keys off, and made himself scarce as quickly as he could. He felt like a petty criminal creeping away from the scene of their crime. In many ways he was, although the scene of his crime on this particular occasion had been Alice’s hotel.
He hoped Jill wouldn’t find out he’d spent the night there. It was unlikely she’d accept his explanation, and recognise he’d really had no choice in the matter. They were responsible for Alice’s health after all. It was their moral duty to ensure she’d suffered no lasting damage or complications from the injury she’d received at Jill’s hands, even if it had been accidental that she’d fallen and hit her head. It hadn’t been accidental that Jill had launched herself at Alice in a moment of blind anger and uncontrolled jealousy. There was nothing anyone could do about that now. It had happened. It was over. Luckily it appeared Alice wasn’t concussed and hadn’t suffered any permanent harm. That was a small relief in itself, even if everything else was in a state of chaos and unhappiness.
It was a beautiful winter’s day, but Edward didn’t feel beautiful inside. He felt overwhelmingly sad and sick to the stomach. At least the change in the weather cheered him up a little. As he’d taken the bay route in the car, he walked back the inland way to the end of King Edward Road, before turning right into Brynmor Road and left into St Helen’s Road. It was a walk so familiar to him. He’d been doing it for over forty years. At the end of St Helen’s Road, he crossed onto The Kingsway, and made his way onto High Street and then up to the railway station.
He planned to get a train to Neath. He’d potter about in the shop for a bit. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too busy. Both Meredith and Daisy were in anyway. At some point he might have a little walk round Neath to clear his head, or sit by himself in Victoria Gardens for a bit. He’d then retire to the rooms above the shop. When he’d composed himself and had a chance to think what he might say, he’d give Jill a ring. Hopefully she’d reply and not just ignore his call. It might be poetic justice. For weeks if not months he’d ignored Alice’s calls in a similar situation, when she’d wanted to get hold of him.
Edward didn’t have long to wait for a train. They went eastwards to Cardiff every half hour or so. He was getting off at the first stop, a journey of little more than ten minutes, in which the boundary between Swansea and Neath wasn’t obvious or clear to the naked eye. With Morriston and Skewen, they all seemed to merge into one big, sprawling suburban conurbation. Edward emerged at Neath Station in bright winter sunlight. It was still early. Some of the shops had only just opened. Meredith would be getting ready to open the coffee shop. Edward continued past Neath Market and down Green Street, before turning right into Queen Street. It was a route now almost as familiar to him as the one he’d taken in Swansea. At the end of Queen Street he passed the bus station and crossed Victoria Gardens to the coffee shop.
Edward was quite subdued that day. Meredith could probably tell he wasn’t quite himself, but she didn’t like to ask why. She probably guessed it had something to do with the unexpected appearance of Alice in the shop earlier that week. She was too polite to ask more. She knew Edward would tell her if he wanted to. Daisy just went about her work oblivious, not appearing to notice something might be up. Again she probably thought it wasn’t her business to ask her boss personal questions, although Edward never behaved like a boss. To him they were a team. If anyone was the boss now it was Meredith. He was just the silent owner, and he intended gradually to become more silent. He busied himself with the books, whilst Meredith and Daisy looked after the coffee shop. There was a steady stream of customers coming in for food and drink, but not so many they couldn’t cope with. From a business point of view, that was probably perfect. It meant they were making money without being rushed off their feet.
Later that day Edward sat upstairs in the front room, overlooking the park. It had a similar amount of space as they had in King Edward Road, although it was a little more compact. There was a small kitchen and breakfast room, as well as a living room and two modest bedrooms above. The bedrooms in Swansea were bigger, Edward’s taking up the entire loft space, which had been converted into another room. There he’d been able to draw, paint and write in peace. All that was now gone, unless he reconciled with Jill. He decided to ring her, but wasn’t quite sure what he might say. He hoped suitable words would somehow come to him. Edward had to ring several times before Jill eventually picked up.
‘What do you want?’ she asked grumpily.
‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry,’ Edward apologised. ‘There are no excuses for what I did, but I never intended to hurt you.’
‘It didn’t stop you doing it,’ Jill pointed out. ‘And I’m not sure saying sorry really helps. I’ll never be able to trust you again.’
‘I know that, and I don’t expect you to,’ Edward acknowledged. ‘I just want you to know it’s not true I plan to return to Oxford with Alice.’
‘But you will,’ Jill interrupted him.
‘I can ensure you I won’t. I’ll be staying here in Wales, alone by myself in Neath if necessary,’ Edward stated unequivocally.
‘Well, you better get used to being by yourself, as that’s what you’ll be,’ Jill declared, with no hint her stance might be softening and minimum warmth in her voice. ‘There’s no going back. It’s over between us. I realise we’re just business partners and nothing else. In future our relationship will be entirely platonic, and kept on a business basis only.’
‘Of course I fully accept responsibility for my actions and whatever consequences you decide,’ Edward conceded. ‘As long as you know I’m here for you if you need me or change your mind. That will never alter.’
‘I managed to look after myself before you arrived, and I’ll continue to do so when you’ve gone,’ Jill told him a little brutally, and with that she put the phone down.
Edward remained in his chair, looking out at the park as it turned dark outside. He wondered how things had come to this. It was as he’d predicted, with him in Neath, Alice in her hotel, and Jill in Swansea. Three people were living separate lives in the countdown to Christmas. They were so near and yet also so distant. The gaps between them seemed too hard and too far ever to bridge. Edward imagined he’d never have Jill again. They’d never again share the same bed, and wake up together and eat breakfast sitting opposite each other. It was difficult to accept.
He didn’t want to go back to Oxford with Alice, even if some of his feelings for his former wife had been resurrected. He couldn’t deny the sex had been good, but it was Jill he loved and truly wanted. He didn’t realise how happy they’d been, until it had been snatched from him by his own stupidity. If only he could turn back the clock, but he couldn’t. If only Alice hadn’t followed him to Wales, but she had. If only she’d remained happy with Paul, but by all accounts that had fallen apart. There were so many imponderables. It was hard to process them all. It remained the case that events had unfolded in the way they had to bring them to the point where they now were.
Edward went out by himself in Neath that Saturday night. It felt a bit different to when he’d been checking the town out, with the view potentially to buying property there just a couple of months earlier. Most of that optimism had now evaporated, despite the fact in purely business terms it was going well. He should have been looking forward to his first Christmas with Jill. It was entirely his own fault he’d messed that up. He felt like he now had nothing, despite the fact he’d shared beds with two different women during the week that had just passed. That had been a first in his life, and look where it had got him. It had brought nothing but misery to their lives, at least to his and Jill’s. Alice was the only one who could claim some small kind of victory, in a war where everyone now seemed to be a loser.
Edward went out early. The cosiness of the Neath living quarters above the shop didn’t feel quite the same without Jill’s presence. It felt eerily quiet and empty without her. They’d only stayed there together before. It would be the first time Edward had stayed there by himself, and it didn’t feel quite right. In fact it didn’t feel right at all. It only brought home to him what he’d lost, by messing up as he had. He could have been sat with her now, about to open a bottle of wine. Instead they were all in different places and on their own.
Edward started at The Cross Keys on the corner of Victoria Gardens and had a half of bitter there. He decided he’d have just a half in each, before continuing on his way. He then went to the Alan Leonard Lewis VC in Orchard Street, which was busy. With Christmas only a week and a half away, there was a friendly and festive atmosphere, although Edward wasn’t in particularly festive mood. From there he proceeded down Shufflebotham Lane and onto Water Street, where The Greyhound was quite quiet. The St Ives in Old Market Street was a little busier. There appeared to be live music taking place in The Duke of Wellington, but Edward wasn’t in the mood for live music. He had halves in The Castell-Nedd Arms, The Welsh House and The Castle Hotel, before concluding his pub crawl at The David Protheroe, which like all Wetherspoons pubs was very busy on Saturday night. He could have continued away from the town centre, where there were more pubs, but a short walk down Alfred Street completed the circle, and brought him back to where he’d set out.
Edward went to bed quite early. He saw little point in spinning the day out further. He thought about ringing or texting Jill before going to sleep, but decided it was better to leave her in peace. They both had wounds that needed to heal first, Jill in particular. No doubt she’d contact him when she was ready, if she wanted to. If she preferred a complete break and no contact at all, that was equally understandable. Edward couldn’t complain. The blame was his. He now had to accept the consequences of his actions, whatever they turned out to be. It was odd lying in bed by himself, with neither Jill nor Alice by his side. It didn’t feel right. It felt strange and almost unreal. He’d get used to it in time, he told himself. He’d have to. He might even learn to enjoy the peace and tranquillity. It was a bit too soon to enjoy it yet though. Jill had just left a huge void in his life.
In the morning Edward sat alone over a leisurely breakfast. He poured himself tea and made toast. He felt a bit at a loose end. He didn’t know quite what he was going to do with himself. Normally he’d have been planning a trip out in the car with Jill, or a nice walk somewhere. No doubt they’d have taken the dog, Beti, and stopped for a coffee or a bite to eat. Otherwise they might have been planning a quiet day, perhaps Sunday lunch in a pub or at home, and an afternoon of drawing, painting and writing, before perhaps an evening of wine in front of the television. Edward wondered what Jill was doing now. She was probably planning to visit her mother, or perhaps doing something with her daughter, Megan. At least the bookshop and Megan’s involvement in it had brought them closer. That was something. Despite his betrayal with Alice, Edward hoped he’d brought some positives into Jill’s life. Perhaps he had, only to take them away afterwards.
Edward realised it was an opportunity to do some preparation for Christmas, but he no longer knew what he was preparing for, or where he’d be spending it. As things stood he’d probably be spending it by himself in Neath. He didn’t know whom he’d be buying for either. He’d intended to get Jill a lavish present. It seemed unlikely she’d want it in the present circumstances. He’d have to get Alice something, but it would be more of a token gift. He’d send his two children, Victoria and Henry, money. Henry would need it more than Victoria, who was well off by her own endeavours and in less need of financial help than her brother. He’d also send money to his nieces. He didn’t really have anyone else to get for, although he’d have to give his employees something he realised. A bottle of wine and a generous Christmas bonus each would probably go down best there. They all deserved it. It would be better than spending it on presents they didn’t want. A bit of extra cash rarely went unappreciated at this time of year.
When he was ready, Edward went out for a walk. The blue skies of the day before had vanished and the clouds had returned. There was a spot of rain in the air, but not enough to warrant an umbrella. Edward took a stroll down to Gnoll Country Park. He hadn’t been there for a while. He’d been too busy with the new shop, and other things like Alice. He wandered round the lake at a leisurely pace. There were many others doing the same thing, some with children in tow and others walking dogs. It was good to get some fresh air, and it made him feel a little better about himself. Afterwards he strolled down to Neath Castle, before stopping for a coffee and cake at Monty’s on the way back. Forty Six Coffee Shop was his favourite, other than his own, but he fancied a change. He liked trying out different places. He realised such Sundays could become a regular occurrence if his separation from Jill became permanent, as seemed the likely outcome at present. A reconciliation didn’t exactly seem on the cards.
Edward got home about 4pm, just as the light was beginning to fade. It would be dark in half an hour. Even so he didn’t hurry to switch the light on. He was happy to sit in darkness for a bit. Without Jill, he started to realise how empty it was. He’d have to bring over more of his things in time, assuming Jill let him. He only had some essentials to keep him going. He was used to just spending the occasional night there. It hadn’t previously been his regular base. It was looking like it was soon to become that. Eventually Edward dragged himself to his feet, and made himself a basic meal. He hadn’t eaten much that day, although he wasn’t feeling especially hungry. The unpleasant business with Jill and Alice had rather put him off his food, which he normally relished. He was in no great mood to eat, but he needed to eat something, he realised, to maintain body and soul together.
It wasn’t long after he’d finished eating that he heard the doorbell ring. He didn’t know what it was at first. He wasn’t even sure it was his door. It had never rung when he’d been in before. He, Jill, Meredith and Daisy all had keys, so could let themselves in. No one else had ever called, but they were calling now. His first thought was that it might be Jill. Maybe she wanted to talk and thrash things out. Ultimately they were still business partners, so would have to continue some working relationship even if they were no longer lovers. He imagined she would have texted or called first, however. When he’d eventually come to his senses and gone downstairs, it wasn’t Jill he found on the doorstep, it was Alice and she was clutching a bottle of wine. Edward paused for a moment, unsure what he was meant to do. She’d caught him a little off guard and by surprise.
‘Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?’ she asked. ‘It’s cold outside.’
‘Of course, come on in,’ Edward said, inviting her into his home and leading her upstairs. ‘You may find it a bit basic. I apologise if you do.’
Edward took her into the lounge and offered her a seat.
‘It’s not so bad,’ Alice said, looking around. ‘I know you shun luxury, even though you can easily afford it.’
‘Yes, I’m a man of simple not excessive tastes,’ he agreed. ‘Why shop in Saville Row when you can get a perfectly good suit from M&S?’
‘Indeed,’ Alice nodded in agreement.
Edward hadn’t particularly expected her to agree with them. She’d generally chosen to shop at expensive boutiques in Oxford and London when he’d been paying.
‘Can I take your coat?’ Edward enquired.
‘That’s very kind,’ Alice said, taking it off and handing it to him.
‘So what brings you to my bachelor pad?’ Edward asked.
‘Don’t worry. I’m not about to sue you. I’ve recovered from the bump on my head. I just thought you might be able to use the company after what happened,’ Alice ventured. ‘So I got the train to see you.’
‘Well, it’s not been an easy few days,’ Edward admitted.
‘I’m sure,’ Alice acknowledged. ‘But don’t feel so down. You have your wife back now.’
Edward smiled weakly. Alice could tell he was feeling sad and despondent.
‘You can’t possibly still prefer her to me,’ Alice stated. ‘There’s no accounting for taste. She’s not in my league.’
‘The truth is I don’t really know what I want,’ Edward confessed. ‘I like you both, but I have a new life here in Wales. I don’t see myself ever returning to Oxford. I found happiness with Jill. Then you arrived and turned my head in a way I should never have let it be turned.’
‘You did the right thing and gave in to your feelings,’ Alice told him. ‘Now aren’t you going to open that wine? I could definitely do with a glass.’
Edward took the wine from her, a pleasant red, and poured out a glass each, although he knew as he did so that it was probably a mistake. He should have just told her to leave, but the truth was he was lonely and in need of company. He felt there was little chance of Jill contacting him or turning up that evening. Either he spend time with Alice, or spend it on his own. After a couple of glasses, they both started to relax. Unusually Alice was starting to let the mask slip for once and be more of her true self. Edward was starting to see her in a new light, despite having lived with her for ten years. She’d always been one to maintain the façade, whatever the pressures to do otherwise. She rarely did anything without a reason. Everything was pre-planned and carefully thought out. She was a master of manipulation. For once she was acting more like a human being.
‘We did have some good times, didn’t we?’ she began to reminisce, after they’d shared a couple of wines together.
‘Of course we did,’ Edward concurred.
‘It wasn’t all bad, was it?’ Alice asked, looking up in a way that defied him to say it was.
‘Not at all,’ Edward reassured her. ‘I thought I was happy until I found out about your affair with Paul.’
‘Well, I’m sorry about that. That was very stupid of me,’ Alice said.
It was the nearest she’d ever come to admitting she’d been wrong to start that particular dalliance. It seemed to bring out painful memories in her too, not least because Paul had chosen to move on with someone else in his office, leaving her looking discarded and foolish.
‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ she asked, taking a packet of cigarettes from her bag.
‘If you wish,’ Edward replied, handing her an ashtray.
He’d inherited one when he’d first moved in, but naturally had never used it. He doubted it had been used in years. The previous owners, Gwyn and Sian, hadn’t been smokers. Of course Alice looked sexy smoking her cigarette and sipping her wine, as of course was her intention. She offered Edward a puff. He declined, but when she offered again, he thought why not? What did he have to lose? At that moment it felt like he had nothing to save his health for. He’d smoked the occasional cigar at formal work lunches and dinners. It had been many years since he’d breathed cigarette smoke into his lungs. He wasn’t used to it, and it made his head spin a little. What on earth would Jill think? he wondered. She’d be horrified, but she wasn’t there. Alice was. When she stubbed out her cigarette, she said something that quite shocked him.
‘Shall we go upstairs now or later?’ she asked.
‘What do you mean?’ Edward stuttered.
‘I want you to, and I know you want it too.’ (Edited)
‘What about your train back?’ Edward wondered.
‘I got a one-way ticket,’ Alice said, giving him a knowing and seductive look.
As a single cost almost the same as a return, Edward realised Alice’s statement was more symbolic than having any real meaning. The short journey didn’t even cost five pounds. Even so it was clear Alice had no intention of returning that night, and evidently had recovered from the bump on the head she’d received at the Swansea bookshop the previous week. Of course Edward realised he should tell her to go. He already felt terrible about what he’d done to Jill. What was also true was that Jill had now left him. He was to all intents and purposes a free agent and legally Alice was still his wife. In some ways he had nothing more to lose. It might be easier just to let it happen, and take what pleasure from life that he could. He also knew he’d regret it in the morning.
‘Shall we take the bottle up?’ he asked.
Edward pulled back the sheets and invited Alice into his bed. She slipped off her outer clothes, and he did the same.
‘We really shouldn’t be doing this,’ he announced, as much to himself as to Alice, but he didn’t stop.
‘We’re man and wife, and Jill has left you, so there’s really nothing stopping us,’ Alice pointed out.
It was true. He might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, as the old proverb stated, he thought. It could be a while before such opportunity presented itself again. He’d already done the deed several times. Once more wouldn’t make much difference.
* We have excluded a scene here as the content we feel was rather too explicit for this platform.*
It felt great, but somehow not quite as good as it had at her hotel. Something was missing. It was almost as if he was going through the motions. The guilt he felt, even if he was no longer with Jill, was serving to detract from his pleasure and perhaps his performance. He hoped Alice wouldn’t notice. It was more to do with his own state of mind, than any specific physical failure on his part. The little noises Alice was making seemed to suggest she was still enjoying herself. He was enjoying himself too. It was just the guilt he couldn’t totally rid himself of. He was picturing Jill’s face, even though it was Alice he was making love to.
‘That was fabulous,’ Alice gushed when they’d finished.
She rolled over, took a sip of her wine and lit another cigarette.
‘I can see you’ve been practising,’ she added.
‘I try to please,’ Edward said, taking a sip of his own wine, although in truth he wasn’t feeling very good about himself.
They lay quietly in each other’s arms for a while. Edward didn’t have the heart to ask her to leave, though part of him wanted to. Earlier he hadn’t wanted to be alone. Now he did, although he realised he’d have to let Alice stay the night now. It would be rude not to. In all likelihood he’d have to make love to her again before she departed as well.
‘Do you want to go again?’ Alice asked, after a little time has passed.
‘I think once is enough for tonight,’ Edward answered. ‘I’m quite tired if I’m honest.’
‘OK, Edward, but I’m not leaving in the morning until you’ve made love to me again,’ Alice insisted.
Edward then let her fall asleep beside him. He fell asleep a little while afterwards too, although he was still thinking of Jill when he did so. In the morning he did make love to Alice again as promised. He feared she wouldn’t leave if he didn’t, and Meredith would be arriving to start work soon. Edward actually enjoyed it more this time, but he realised he must never let it happen again. It was time to put Alice and his old life behind him. He just hoped she’d find her own happiness in time, whether it was Paul or with someone else. Only time would tell what new direction she ended up taking.
